Oh good, you're here on time! My private jet leaves in just fifteen minutes, and there are several rules to review before I leave for my secluded tropical paradise. I appreciate you holding down the fort for me while I'm away; it's so hard to find trustworthy house-sitters these days!
First the living room. These walls are carefully calibrated to be the exact color of sunshine, so you have to test them every morning in case they start to fade. If indeed the hue measures less than 'utterly joyful radiance', you'll need to paint another coat. High maintenance, yes, but so worth it.
On to the formal dining room. You may have noticed that there are a lot of natural wood tones in this space. And you may have guessed what that means. Yup: two hours of high energy polishing every morning when you wake up. I use a concentrated emu oil extract to get this glorious sheen.
Don't use the library; it's officially the cats' room. Not because they know how to read--we're still working on that--but because I've color coordinated the seating to match their fur. James Bond sleeps on the black Butterfly Chair, and Sophie enjoys the taupe Orange Slice chair. Like their mother, they are design snobs of the highest order.
In our breakfast nook you'll find a collection of Eames Molded Plywood chairs. I bought these just over the weekend. See how I've only got seven? That's because I'm going to complete my set by winning Roseline's giveaway. (That, my friends, is what you call unbridled optimism...)
I've made up the guest bedroom just for you. It's a more casual space--one in which you really feel you can put your feet up. Of course don't actually put your feet up. Do you have any idea of the chaos that would cause? You'll be sleeping with an inflatable mattress on the floor.
Finally, the bathroom practically has your name on it. The tub is perfect for taking long relaxing soaks, leaning back under a mountain of lavender-scented bubbles with a good book and a glass of champagne, feeling your troubles drift away. That's why I expect you to scour it daily and have it waiting full of piping hot water when I return. Ciao!
All images courtesy of Elle Decor July/August 2010.